Learning Trust

Lately, I feel like God has been teaching me a lesson that I thought I already understood: trust.

It is easy to say that I trust God when things are going well. It is easy to believe that He is in control when the future looks predictable, the plans make sense, and I know what tomorrow is going to look like. But lately, I have been reminded that real trust is tested when I don’t have all the answers.

The changes happening within State Farm have brought some of that to the surface for me. I have spent years building my agency, my career, and my life around things that, at least to some degree, I could understand and control. I could work hard. I could make good decisions. I could serve my customers well. I could lead my team. I could plan for the future.

But there are things I cannot control.

The contract changes are one of them. I can have an opinion about them. I can prepare for them. I can choose how I respond to them. I can work hard to make the most of the opportunities in front of me. But ultimately, I don’t get to decide what the contract looks like or what changes come next.

And then there is losing my health insurance.

That one feels different because it is personal. It is one thing to talk about trusting God in an abstract way. It is another thing when something affects your own sense of security and you find yourself asking, “What am I going to do?”

Maybe that is exactly where God is trying to meet me.

I have always believed that God is faithful. But perhaps He is teaching me that believing God is faithful and actually living as though He is faithful are two different things.

Trust means I don’t have to know how everything is going to work out before I move forward.

Trust means I can acknowledge that some of these changes are uncomfortable without allowing them to convince me that God has somehow lost control.

Trust means I can make wise decisions, plan carefully, work hard and still recognize that my ultimate security cannot come from any contract, company, career, income, insurance policy or position.

Those things can provide stability, but they were never meant to carry the weight of my trust.

I think that is part of what God has been showing me through all of this. I have spent a lot of my life trying to build security around myself, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. We should be responsible. We should plan. We should work hard. We should steward what God has given us well.

But there is a difference between being responsible for what God has entrusted to me and believing that I am ultimately responsible for my own security.

I am not.

God has been reminding me that my job is faithfulness, not control.

I don’t know exactly what the future of my career will look like. I don’t know how every contract change will affect me. I don’t know what losing my health insurance will ultimately mean. And if I am honest, there is a part of me that wants to know all of those answers right now.

But maybe I don’t need to.

Maybe the question God is asking me is not, “Do you know how this is going to work out?”

Maybe He is asking, “Do you trust Me even when you don’t?”

That is a much harder question.

It is also a much better one.

Scripture tells me, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” I have read that verse countless times, but perhaps I am being given an opportunity to actually live it.

Because leaning on my own understanding feels very natural. I want to analyze the situation, anticipate every possibility, protect myself from every potential problem and figure out the solution before I have to face the problem.

God keeps inviting me to something different.

Trust Me.

Do what you can do. Be wise. Work hard. Make the phone calls. Ask the questions. Prepare for what is ahead. But don’t confuse preparation with control.

I am reminded again that my identity is not found in what I do. I am not ultimately a State Farm agent. I am not my contract. I am not my income. I am not my benefits. I am not my accomplishments or my position.

My identity is found in being a child of God.

That doesn’t mean these things don’t matter. They do. Losing something I’ve depended on is still difficult. Uncertainty is still uncomfortable. I don’t have to pretend otherwise.

But it does mean that none of these things can determine whether I am secure in the deepest sense of the word.

Maybe this season is less about God changing my circumstances and more about God changing me.

Maybe He is loosening my grip on the things I have used to create a sense of security and teaching me to hold them with open hands.

I don’t know what the next chapter looks like.

But I know who will be there when I get there.

And for now, maybe that is enough.

Lord, teach me to trust You when I cannot see the whole picture. Help me to be faithful with what You have placed in front of me, without believing that I have to control the outcome. Give me wisdom to do what I can, courage to face what I cannot change, and faith to remember that my security has never ultimately been found in a contract, a career, or a benefit. It has always been found in You.